I Choose None

When my son was much younger, around 3, we were in a store shopping.  We came upon a display that had dvd's for sale (please tell me you know what a dvd is, if not, google it).

I told him that he could choose one.  I took him out of the shopping cart and set him on the floor so that he could choose.  He immediately picked up two dvd's and said that he wanted both of them.

I reminded him that he could only choose one.  He said "No, I want both of them".

I said "You can only choose one".

He said "No, I want both of them".

I said, "You can choose one, or you can choose none".

He then surprised us and said "I choose none".

I picked him up and we left the store.  Never as we left did he say, "Ok, I will just choose one"! or "Wait stop, what are you doing, of course I will just choose one"!  He just sat there looking slightly upset and never mentioned the incident again that day.

What the hell was that?  Why wouldn't he at the last minute realize that we were serious and decide that he better just choose one instead of getting nothing?

Perhaps the problem was that in the past we would give in to him.  Did we do that because we wanted to be like a friend?  Did we want to buy his happiness?

I think it was a combination of the above and perhaps some stubbornness or pride on his side.   (And some stubbornness and pride on my side).  Either way, I think that if you give a child everything they want, they will not appreciate things in the future and you are just setting them up for future depression issues.

Also, when they get older, they may not be in the same financial position as you the parent, and if they cannot get everything they want, this "get everything" attitude will bring them down.

It also teaches us as parents that you should not give in to them so that they get everything they want.  A child needs to understand boundaries and know that you are serious about the consequences.  If you tell them to stop a certain behaviour before you count to 3 with the consequences of not getting something, and you count to 3 (or dramatically stop just after 2), they will learn that you are a pushover.

We want to give them everything, but there is more to life than material objects.  Most people who win the lottery big time, usually do not in the long run claim a higher level of happiness.

Someone once said "The person who dies with the most toys, is still dead".